i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
