My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
