I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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