i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
