Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How does one acquire holy water?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize