I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
