Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Enjoy the penises
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
