do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
