Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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