i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
