my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I lost the right to judge tonight
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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