I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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