I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
