did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
