How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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