The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
