why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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