Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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