I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Randomize
