We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
