I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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