I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
