he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
