i love accidental penises.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You are a genius and a whore.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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