then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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