Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
