That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
