he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
