Where did you get a picture of my penis
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
