i already hear my dad disowning me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
