i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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