youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
