it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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