i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
