Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
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Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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