how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
