Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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