I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
