I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
