Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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