Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
