So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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