Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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