and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
