and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
