I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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