apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They took my balls.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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