Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
