i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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