yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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