He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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