miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
