think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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