Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
