Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
