girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
