I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
