so explain again why im purple
no
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
