If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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