If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
