babies were throwing up all over the place
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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