my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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