I think I am morally bankrupt
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
