it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
