youre lurking in front of me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize