it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
