My friends, they love my intelligence
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
