I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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