Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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